Silverear's Lament
by Grilled Cheesby
Summary: Summary: The moons blur together until she can no longer remember how long it's been since she's seen a stream or lake. She hasn't heard her true name in so long that she's unsure if she even remembers it correctly. There's a constant wave of cats calling her Streak, and at night she questions if Silverear even exists anymore. IMPORTANT TRIGGERS/WARNINGS INSIDE. READ WITH CAUTION.


_This is a short piece that I related to my Foxglove and Consequences series. It's an upcoming series I'm working on based around Silverear's daughter, Specklemouth. Silverear had such a tragic life, however, and I felt the need to touch upon her life before getting into Specklemouth's. Images and profiles of certain cats are already up on my DevianArt page. My username is Specklemouth over there._

 _Please read all warnings carefully._

 **Warnings/Triggers:** _Rape/Non-Con, Multiple-Personality Disorder, Blood/Gore, Stockholm Syndrome, Infanticide._

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 **Silverear's Lament**

Silverear is taken during a solo patrol.

They knock her out by forcing her head against a rock. When she wakes, she is no longer in RiverClan territory. The area around her is hard and dark, wetness seeping into her fur from the dank ground.

She doesn't know that the white cat in front of her is a monster. All she knows is these cats have taken her from her home. She fights viciously and with all her strength. She gets him across the face multiple times, doing her best to dig her claw into his eyes, but not succeeding in blinding him. She rakes him across his large chest and it is only when his front is soaked in his own blood does he finally pin her.

He is outraged and hissing and his claws dig into her. Once she is down, exhausted, he gets off of her and turns. It is only when he wraps his mouth around her tail and bites does she realize he had not left her there to bleed out.

He mates her there, both of them covered in blood.

He calls her Streak, telling her that he is Spinner and that he is the leader of his gang of alley cats.

She tries to escape multiple times and each time ends with Spinner's teeth crunching deeper into the base of her tail.

She wakes one morning, Spinner wrapped around her, and finds that she thinks of herself as Streak before she can stop herself.

The moons blur together until she can no longer remember how long it's been since she's seen a stream or lake. She hasn't heard her true name in so long that she's unsure if she even remembers it correctly. There's a constant wave of cats calling her Streak, and at night she questions if Silverear even exists anymore.

She patrols with the second in command, Jinx, and a she-cat older than her, Specks. She is forced to eat with Spinner. She mates with the beast and then she lays next to him, the act of a caring mate never even thought of. She walks around in a depressed daze most of the time and she counts down. Counts down the days, the infinite number of moons, until she is set free from the place she is jailed in.

Sometimes she sees her brother, Goosepool, when she dreams. He's still Goosepaw, his eyes a bright, intrigued gold, as he stares down at the herbs in Lilystorm's den. He turns to look at her and he grins, his eyes kind and loving.

She wakes up next to her beast of a mate and she mourns.

Occasionally Spinner is distracted by something or other and she can go over to Specks' corner of the alley. She can lay there and listen to Specks ramble on about what she saw a two-leg doing the other day and suddenly she feels like Silverear isn't as lost as she thinks she is. Then Spinner will yowl, hissing angrily in his search for her, and she'll feel Streak glide down over her. Streak will stand and numbly walk to Spinner. Streak will feel Spinner rip his teeth into her tail and Streak will not flinch.

Silverear yowls in her head, angry and upset. Streak will keep her head down and let Spinner do what he feels like.

Spinner is gone for the day, a mission to attack a group of cats leaving just a few left to protect their home, when Jjinx demands that they make a perimeter check. Streak goes docilely, internally rolling her eyes at Jinx's lumbering stupidity. They turn a corner and suddenly Jinx is on her, his weight forcing her to the ground.

Silverear doesn't know why this is different, why Streak takes a step back and lets her through, but she uses the opportunity to hiss and twist, using Jinx's weight against him. He's tumbling off and into the thunderpath beside them, yowling his outrage. Streak watches with indifference, but Silverear can feel her mouth widening in vindictive pleasure. Jinx isn't Spinner, but he's close enough. He's turning around, his enraged copper eyes on her, when she registers the thump and shake of a monster. She can hear it, it's growls echoing from around the corner. Jinx, though, has his entire focus on her. Streak doesn't care enough to stop her, so when he pounces toward her, Silverear uses all of her strength to push him back.

The monster does not slow down.

She can feel the spray of his blood as it whips a line across her gray fur. She never reveled in blood and gore before, but his dead body is leaving her with a sense of satisfaction that she's unashamed of feeling.

She watches his blood dry on the thunderpath for an undetermined amount of time. She waits and waits and when she finally realizes that she is still herself, that Streak is nowhere to be found, she runs.

She runs across the thunderpath and into the forest beyond. She runs and lets her paws carry her to a familiar path. She sets her mind on a stream she can't quite picture and a brother that is still all too clear.

When she bursts into the camp, covered in streaks of blood and breathing like a dog in heat, the clan doesn't initially recognize her.

It is when Carpstar is hissing questions and Webfoot is calling for the other clan cats that she finally spots Goosepool as he makes his way out of the medicine cat's den.

He is white in the muzzle, something he wasn't before she was gone. His eyes are just as bright, but now they show a gleam of knowledge. When his wise eyes land on her, she knows that he recognizes her.

He's on her in a flash and she feels herself howling in grief. She knows Goosepool is explaining to others who she is, reminding them of their lost clanmate, but she can't bring herself to stop crying. Silverear cries in relief of finally being home.

(She finally senses Streak shifting into awareness in her mind. Streak cries for a mate that never even cared.)

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Others are relieved at her return and stop questioning soon after. Webfoot is told an abridged version of her story that he relates to Carpstar. Goosepool is the only one that hears her whispered nightmare. He's the only one that wakes her when she cries in her sleep. The day she tells him she can feel the kits in her stomach moving, he's that one that tells her of his overflowing store of tansy.

Silverear wants to take it, wants to choke down as much of the plant as she can, but Streak is still there, mourning in the back of her mind, so she doesn't.

When she starts to give birth in the middle of the night, Goosepool at her side, she regrets her decision. The first three kits are as white as snow and it makes her sick. She pretends to not see the foxglove seeds Goosepool produces at her whimpers of disgust.

The last two, though, are different. The first is larger and, after a little inspection, a tom. He is stone gray and it reminds Silverear of her mother. She names him Stonekit immediately and Goosepool takes that as a sign to put the deadly seeds away. The very last one, a she-cat, is gray in the fur like her brother, only a few shades lighter. Silverear cleans her until she finally sees the speckle marks on the left of the kit's face. Streak is suddenly in the front, thinking of her lost friend, Specks, and it is Streak who turns to Goosepool and proclaims that kit Specklekit. Silverear is thrusted back in to the light and she watches her beloved Stonekit find his way to her to feed. She eyes Specklekit, concerned over how attached Streak is to the little kit, but she doesn't even think of giving one more of her kits over to StarClan. Instead, she helps Specklekit find her for milk and lays there, exhausted, as Gossepool cleans around her.

The first three kits are taken from her and she does not ask what happens to their tiny bodies, because she cannot bring herself to care. Streak dares not speak up, instead focusing her attention on Specklekit. Silverear allows her this.

She watches both of her kits grow and she soon starts to feel pride for not just Stonepaw, but for Specklepaw as well. Her own apprentice, a tom by the name of Frostclaw, becomes Specklepaw's mentor, and Silverear is happy. She is proud to know that her own teaching will be taught to her daughter. She is less ecstatic with Stonepaw's mentor, Emberface, but she still nods and congratulates her son.

She is in the elder's den and on her way to StarClan when she finally comes nose to nose with Streak. She is emaciated and her fur is shaggy. She is one of the saddest cats that Silverear has ever seen. And yet; her golden eyes shine with contentment. Silverear suddenly wishes she could've shown something besides indifference with her own.

She closes her eyes and when she opens them once more, she is surrounded by darkness. She waits for the stars to appear. She doesn't know how long she waits, but when she sees a faint light in the distance, she lets out a sigh of relief. The faint light is white and the closer it gets the more the light spreads. It goes from one light to three and Silverear feels her heart stop. She can feel the weight of Streak beside her and they gasp in unison when the three lights turn into three bumbling kits.

They are all white, Silverear thinks in horror. Their eyes are a glowing gold and it makes Silverear take a step back. Streak does the exact opposite and takes a step forward. The kits immediately head for her and mew in welcome. They don't speak, but as soon as they surround Streak, they meow in unison and suddenly Streak is a shining gray light, much like the kits. Streak's glowing golden eyes meet her own before she turns and follows the kits into the distance.

Silverear can't force herself to move until the lights have gone out. One moment she is in complete darkness, the next she is staring up at a red moon, surrounded by twisted trees.

She feels the empty space that Streak once occupied and she can't stop herself from collapsing.

Every time she opens her eyes, she sees streaks of white in the corner of her vision. She decides to leave them closed.

She does not get up.

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 ** _Feel free to leave a review if you want to know more! Cats images and further information are found over at Specklemouth on DeviantArt._**


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